I talk often about getting an estate plan in place. We all know we should do that but why don’t we do it? It’s because we must often face difficult issues within our family. We have to have difficult conversations. It’s hard to talk about who we’re going to put in charge, because will our other children be offended? It’s difficult to talk about maybe the adult child who lives at home, maybe because their life didn’t turn out like they planned, or they came home to take care of Mom and Dad. What about when the time comes that both Mom and Dad have passed? Do we want them to get the home? If so, how will everyone else feel about that? If not, should we give them time to find alternative accommodation?
What about if someone is in a difficult marriage, or getting a divorce? We don’t want part of what we’ve earned all our life to go towards a divorcing spouse or a new family.
What about a special needs adult, or someone in our home with disabilities? What if there is addiction? So many of us have that in our family. We must have family conversations around difficult situations, in order for us to access the Healing Law.
I call what we do in estate planning the “Healing Law”, not warrior law, because we have a healing solution to each of those problems I posed, and many other situations you may have in your family. Many of you think these are unique situations for your family…if only you knew how common they are.
If you don’t come to my office for your estate planning, go somewhere. Hire an experienced attorney who knows what happens when families don’t have the conversations. I’ve been doing this for 20 years. I do probate, going through the court system when there wasn’t a good plan in place. I do trust administration. I have seen the other side of what happens when these difficult situations are ignored. The time is going to come when it has to be distributed and that’s what leads to trouble.
I always talk about getting an estate plan, a Will, a Trust, the Powers…Do you know what else I believe is my responsibility to weave into your estate plan? Family harmony. That’s part of my job. Give me those difficult situations. If we have those conversations, we figure out a solution to everything. The family members know, there are no surprises, the conversations have been had. Then, when Mom and Dad are gone, who are often the glue that holds the family together, the siblings continue that harmony. I know you want your money to go to whom you intend, and I know you want your family to be close after you’re gone. It’s not dealing with the difficult situations, it’s not having the conversations that lead to lack of harmony.
One of the things that can happen is the family not speaking to each other. But you know what’s worse? I have seen many families’ entire estate go to filing fees, court costs, attorneys’ fees, because matters get litigated until the estate is gone. That’s not benefitting anyone.
My advice is to talk to each other. Talk to your spouse and family. Have difficult conversations, what you need to sort out. Bring them to me, or another experienced estate planning attorney. I promise you we have a solution. I can guarantee you 100% peace of mind. If I had a penny for every client who walked out of my door after they did their planning, sigh, “Ahhh. If only you knew what a relief this was. If you know how the burden is off my shoulders.” It’s one of the most wonderful things. It’s why I do what I do, I can offer you peace of mind.
I’m going to leave you with a wonderful quote as I was reading the late, great Wayne Dyer, “You will not find your heart in a temple, if you don’t have a temple in your heart.”
View Eileen’s full video as she discussed “Difficult Conversations” on Facebook LIVE
